Our solution for Israel

Israel…Yeah… Well, mentioning that you’re about to write about this country from a different point of view is a bit of an understatement, for having a point of view here is per definition a different one from that of others. There is the European, Arabic, American, Palestine and of course the Jewish point of view, which actually might differ from the Israeli point of view. We don’t know how the Asians feel about this region, but be sure that they do feel something about the Milk-and-Honey-Land. Sounds complicated? Thats because it is pretty far from simple here.

So why write about it, you ask? Because we’re the Three Left Hands, thats why! We are supposed to bring you the current state of the situation here, thats why we left Holland and thats what we like to do. You should know this already. Seriously, read our mission statement or something.

Now, what do we think of this country? Well Israel is great, thats for sure. Nice people, cool parties, clean beds, proper diners and a not so bad national brew. We wouldn’t give it a star or rank it gold, but the Israeli are arrogant enough to name their one and only beer ‘Goldstar’. But of course you don’t want us to chat about the local brew, which by the way, is inferior to most Dutch brews, but we should be serious and share our deepest thoughts on the political situation here in the Holy land. Really, do you want us to go there? Offend people all over the world? Pick a side, and everything that comes with it?

We say ‘no’. We just simply state that there is not a right side. There are just people who want to live here because everybody claims it to be a holy mark on the map. And those people are stupid enough to think that their supreme being would actually care about where his, her or its people live. Come on, its a God, a supreme being. Religion isn’t determined by location, is it? But thats is how it all started. Since 1948, when the Israel area was handed to the Jews as a place to live, this place was always subject of discussion and fighting. We don’t get it. Three years after WWII we started to trade with the Germans again, just forgave the guys for occupying our beautiful country. You can’t hold a grudge forever, can you? Well, apparently, the people here can. They just can’t let it go. They just can’t say ‘Well you know what? We are sorry. Lets all be friends. And celebrate Chanoeka together.’ They just keep throwing rocks at each other. Solve this problem, man! Stop with the ‘Boohoo, Jerusalem belongs to us….!’ or whatever you’re crying about. Seriously, its becomming quite annoying. Bombing a bus, placing a fence… haven’t you got better things to do?

Or should a major international power be called to solve the problem? When Marten and Minne are fighting over a cookie, Henk eats the cookie. No reason to fight over it anymore, Everybody happy. Especially Henk, cause he ate a cookie. So maybe Israel should be taken of the earth. Just flood the place. Or let the bad side of Korea nuke it, they don’t care what the world thinks anyway. Hand it to the sea. So we can all together mourn the loss of the Holy land, like Minne and Marten mourn the loss of the cookie. Together. So maybe the people can finally forget what they did to each other. Forgiving, you know. Pretty much a huge subject in every religion. It would be great if politicians would practice this art some more.

Following is a list of solutions offered by the ThreeLeftHands Foundation.

• Nuke the place.
• Eat the place. With some humus.
• Ignore the place.
• Clear the entire area so the aliens can land there.
• Delete the borders.
• Delete all politicians.
• Accept the fact that no one is going to leave you alone, and move out of the place.
• Place a fence around yourself.
• Make everybody believe that Jerusalem sank in the sea, just like Atlantis.
• Make people believe that the real location of Jerusalem is actually on Antartica.
• Share the place (okay, like thats gonna happen).
• Tell the Palestines that they are Jewish.
• Grab a shovel, and move Jerusalem to another continent.
• Give Israel to the ThreeLefthands, so that they can convert it to an all-religions-accepted ommune.
• Don’t give a shit and keep bombing each other, believing that it will solve the problem

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